message in a bottle

I thought of you today,
though I hadn’t in awhile.
it caught me off guard to know
you’re still in my mind somewhere,
hiding, quiet, stealthy.

After so long without contact,
and never really missing you anymore,
I felt regret for how we ended,
how I ended us,
how you ended me.

You were my everything
right up until the moment you weren’t.
You used to talk marriage and forever and “someday”
but someday turned to never
when you put a ring on her finger.

We were so close, you and I,
told each other everything
about the things that didn’t matter.
We weren’t big on sharing our feelings
because that would be admitting a weakness.

I loved you, though.
every minute of every day
long before you told me you loved me
and even longer before I said it back.

Over a year has gone by
since I’ve heard your voice,
since I’ve felt your touch,
since I’ve smelled your scent,
since you made me laugh.

Over a year, darling.
Today, for the first time in a long time,
I thought of you,
not to hate you or miss you or be angry
but to smile at the memories.

I think that means I’m at peace.
Or something.