the hardest choice

I woke up to small kicks
little flutters and nudging elbows
and all at once
I wasn’t alone in bed.

my life was no longer my own
and nothing I did mattered
except bringing you into it
and loving you with all I had.

nothing prepares you for the love.
unconditional, overpowering.
it’s a different world of feeling
that nothing can prepare you for.

but I had no home or job,
no money or time
and I knew that I could not give you
all the world had to offer.

I wanted you to have everything
and I knew that
I could not give it to you
that my love would not be enough.

so I found them,
these beautiful people with a big family
hardworking jobs and a home
and more love than they could contain.

you are mine and you are theirs
and you are surrounded by more love
more time and more opportunities
than I ever could have given to you.

and no decision will ever be harder
or filled with more earth-shattering tears
than the decision to sign my name
and watch them walk away with you.

you with an ocean of sandy blond hair
and aquinnah-blue eyes
you with your love of running and music
and puzzles and flowers and joy.

I see my eyes in your face and
my hair on your head and yet
you are the most beautiful thing
the world has ever seen.

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