when you left

Started kind of geeky, curly hair and glasses
Now you have your pick of all the girls in your classes
So proud of your body, terrified you’ll gain weight
Your mind matters more, but you’re concerned with your face

All these girls don’t even know how broken you are
How one left you at the altar, now you’ve got scars
Girl love your persona, they all think you’re the best
They don’t know that’s how you act so they won’t know you’re depressed

You changed your shirt three times whenever we left
Made us late all the time, had to look your best
and every time you’d ask what I thought of your clothes
when to be honest, I could never care less what you chose

A teacher and a student, what a stupid cliché
I knew it when we started, but I loved you anyway
You pissed me off, you made me happy, nothing stayed the same
How much effort would it take you to use my whole name?

You did things that made me crazy, like your jokes about my age
Like you didn’t know what you walked into from the very first day
As if someone yelled surprise, you didn’t know, you were tricked,
That the girl you say you loved was not the girl you picked

You’ve got all of these dreams, but not much ambition
You say it so often, like a man on a mission
You’re like a twelve year old boy trying to pick a career
Marine biologist, designer, how about a teacher

You got pissed off when I changed my own tire
Like I need you to save me, pull me from a fire
Like I’m a damsel in distress, like I need you to survive
I don’t need a knight in shining armor to get by

If you paid attention you would know that’s how I was raised
I don’t need you taking care of me, so you walked away
I don’t know why I thought you’d know this on your own
You put yourself first, that’s why you’ll end up alone

Listen, I’m me — I won’t change anytime soon
I could tell you I’d try, but I’d be lying to you
I won’t pretend to need you, I won’t stoop that low
And I got sick of this conversation four years ago

I won’t lie to boost your ego, I’m not that girl
You call yourself an “artist” but you’re no goddamn Van Gogh
You talk a big game, and you have all of these plans
But at the first sign of trouble you put your head in the sand

I honestly loved you, what a waste of my time
All you ever did for me was mess with my mind
You never answered my questions, just kept blowing me off
Like I was some nagging chick who wouldn’t lay off

You knew when I was upset but you didn’t want to deal
You stopped telling me things so you didn’t have to feel
I’m sorry that I cared so much, but I thought you did too
As it turns out I spent four years playing the fool

You wanted to get married, but didn’t seem to care to who
I’m glad you never asked me, I can’t say no to you
You lied about so much, I guess I shouldn’t be surprised
Because cheaters don’t change, they just sharpen their knives

Everyone thinks you’re charming, that’s part of your problem
You lie through your teeth, scrape ideas from the bottom
Pretend you don’t know when you’re causing pain
And suddenly I’m that girl, outside your house in the rain

There’s someone else there, an alarm in my head
I feel like causing a scene, picture her in your bed
I don’t recognize this lunatic I become around you
Just wait until this new one finds out the shit you’re into

She’ll pretend she understands, a rose with no thorns
She doesn’t know you want your whole life to be porn
Everything you know about sex is so fake
Like her orgasms will be – you don’t give, you take

You’ll tie her up, get the chains, try a few things
She’ll be on board for awhile, make you feel like a king
She’ll get spooked but guess what, she won’t say a word
That’s why you don’t even know you sound absurd

So what’s going to happen with the next girl in line?
Get married, that’s it, and then she’ll hear you whine
About not wanting kids, that gets old pretty quick
And you know she’ll try to argue, but nothing will stick

You just got up and walked out, you didn’t stay very long
Wouldn’t want to keep you from the new girl at home
I’m sorry my independence isn’t charming anymore
Go ahead and leave, don’t just stand by the door

I was so scared, I stressed out for a week
Hoping you knew better than to give me a key
But I didn’t need to worry about you getting on one knee
you didn’t want to stay, you were trying to leave

It was never real, you were playing a game
And when it fell apart you needed someone to blame
Make accusations when you’re angry; you always hit your mark
You were always late, except to break my heart

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One comment

  1. Miriam B · November 22, 2015

    Wow, you painted quite a picture. So evocative. I felt every word.

    Like

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